Monday, 30 June 2014


It seems like I keep writing these kind of blogs for as long as I'm writing blogs. If one reads back at my older (Dutch) blogs I'm always struggling with myself, with letting go, with anxiety issues.
With feeling truely free of all burden and stress because isn't that what we all really are after?

The last days/week(s) I've had this feeling again: What it is, I really can't say. It's not that 'stone on my stomach' kind of feeling I've had before, no this time the stone rests higher. More on my chest. Plus there's an uncomfortable nagging (not even a pain) in my side, just below my rib on the left side. Of course I started Googling. I always do. One does not feel happy while Googling on these matters! You really start feeling ill doing that! Not only do you start thinking like you have a heart condition but also you're starting to worry you might have a whole lot more!
Speaking of anxiety!

It says there that women in there (early) menopause have more change of getting heart attacks or other heart conditions and the symptoms they were describing were very similar to the ones I'm having because of menopause! Go figure! Of course I can go to see my doctor but I never do anyway. The times I see them (they are a couple) I can't even remember.

I just know what to do. But why don't I? I'm anxious because of the things above and because of the things with my teens and hub happing. Just the normal every day things that get to me. And because I can't share them with another grown-up (read: their dad or a partner who hasn't got autism) everything feels like it's on my shoulders or in this case on my chest.
I know what to do, I did it many times before I just need to do it again. That nagging feeling in my side is from my bowels. So I need to watch what I eat, exercise more and try and lose weight. Yes that again. The anxiety comes from bottleling things up too long. I need to meditate more and write, for god's sakes write woman! You know that helps you! It really doesn't matter if no one reads it! (well it does but if it helps me...)

Of course if none of this will help I will go to the doctor, but I'm fairly sure this will all help. It's just me being stupid and not listening to my body again. My mind wanting to take over and my body saying: What you're doing? Stop that!
My motto in life is: Everything happens for a reason, I really should trust that it does more:

So let it go, don't get so worked up about everything and everyone and eat the right food, exercize more and meditate!
And all will be well in the world! And my body and mind.

© KH

Sunday, 29 June 2014

Music on Sunday: What's on your Ipod/Iphone?

Today I got some kind of challenge on Twitter:

And yes you can tell a lot about a person's choise in music.
My list was not so bad I thought! Besides that Benedict's voice was in between the music reading audio books (mostly Sherlock) the list was a mix from old to new and back again.

The first 20 on my shuffle list: I will pick some randomly to put on today's blog:

I love Dido! She my favorite female singer. She makes me happy whenever I'm sad or angry, every time. Therefore there's a lot of her on my Iphone. :)

I love Rapalje, a Dutch Folk band. I've been to a lot of their performances. It's Scottish/Irish, a lot of the things I love! Their clothing, the way they perform I love it all. It makes me miss Scotland even more or a little less...

My taste in music is very divers. I love listening to classic rock but older disco as well. And Justin Timberlake. :)

I've heard people say that nobody likes Nickelback, especially women. Well I've always been the exception to every rule :D I love them!

I've always listened to this kind of music but it was my youngest son (age 17) who pointed this song out to me! He loves this song and has it on his own Ipod. :) I love that both my sons have about the same taste in music as I do. :) 

This is a song from my own (pre)teens. I still love it, can't sit still hearing it: 

© KH

Friday, 27 June 2014

Art on Friday, woman in painting in the Renaissance

There have been a lot of paintings of women over the years. Women have been an inspiration, a muse, for many painters. In any century but maybe even more so in the Renaissance.

In this blog some of the beautiful portraits of these women.
Ideal portrait of a lady-Sandro Botticelli
Portrait of a young woman-Angelica Kauffman

A la recherche du temps perdu-Charles-Amable Lenoir
Young Woman of Pompeii on a Terrace-Guillaume Seignac,+Antonio+del.jpg
Portrait of a Young Woman-Antonio del Pollaiuolo,+c.+1474-1478.jpg
Ginevra de' Benci-Leonardo da Vinci
the Lady with the Unicorn-Raphael

© KH

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Scotland: Hebrides

It's no secret that I'm in love with Scotland. In my blog I want to tell more about it, show more pics of the beautiful nature of the country. But most of all, maybe, just maybe the hurting will ease off a bit. That nagging sensation of missing that lovely country so damn much. Not a chance in hell I'll bet but who knows!
I'm not all knowing so I have to search and write what I find from other sites here and there, I'm sure you'll understand. 

This time the Hebrides. Most likely Neil Oliver can tell you much more and better about it, but I'll give it a go shall I?
I've never even been to the Hebrides you must know first of all. Only to Skye and only twice for one lousy day. But that was an experience I'll never forget. It's so different on the ilands. The light is different, the whole atmosphere is different than on the mainland. You just have to feel it for yourself one day.

The Hebrides comprise a widespread and diverse archipelago off the west coast of mainland Scotland. There are two main groups: the Inner and Outer Hebrides. These islands have a long history of occupation dating back to the Mesolithic, and the culture of the residents has been affected by the successive influences of Celtic, Norse and English-speaking peoples. This diversity is reflected in the names given to the islands, which are derived from the languages that have been spoken there in historic and perhaps prehistoric times.
A variety of artists have been inspired by their Hebridean experiences. Today the economy of the islands is dependent on crofting, fishing, tourism, the oil industry and renewable energy. Although the Hebrides lack biodiversity in comparison to mainland Britain, these islands have much to offer the naturalist. Seals, for example, are present around the coasts in internationally important numbers.

The Hebrides, also known as Fingal's Cave, is a famous overture composed by Felix Mendelssohn while residing on these islands, while Granville Bantock composed the Hebridean Symphony.

I really would love to go there one day:

Same with Lewis, would love to go there:
 Lewis Callanish stone circle

In some respects the Hebrides generally lack biodiversity in comparison to mainland Britain, with for example only half the number of mammalian species the latter has. However these islands provide breeding grounds for many important seabird species including the world's largest colony of northern gannets. Avian life includes the corncrake, red-throated diver, rock dove, kittiwake, tystie, Atlantic puffin, goldeneye, golden eagle and white-tailed sea eagle. The last named was re-introduced to Rùm in 1975 and has successfully spread to various neighbouring islands, including Mull. There is a small population of red-billed chough concentrated on the islands of Islay and Colonsay.

Red deer are common on the hills and the grey seal and common seal are present around the coasts of Scotland in internationally important numbers, with colonies of the former found on Oronsay and the Treshnish Isles.The rich freshwater streams contain brown trout, Atlantic salmon and water shrew. Offshore, minke whales, Killer whales, basking sharks, porpoises and dolphins are among the sealife that can be seen.
Heather moor containing ling, bell heather, cross-leaved heath, bog myrtle and fescues is abundant and there is a diversity of Arctic and alpine plants including Alpine pearlwort and mossy cyphal.
Loch Druidibeg on South Uist is a National Nature Reserve owned and managed by Scottish Natural Heritage. The reserve covers 1,677 hectares across the whole range of local habitats. Over 200 species of flowering plants have been recorded on the reserve, some of which are nationally scarce. South Uist is considered the best place in the UK for the aquatic plant slender naiad, which is a European Protected Species.
There has been considerable controversy over hedgehogs. The animals are not native to the Outer Hebrides having been introduced in the 1970s to reduce garden pests, but their spread has posed a threat to the eggs of ground nesting wading birds. In 2003, Scottish Natural Heritage undertook culls of hedgehogs in the area although these were halted in 2007 with trapped animals then being relocated to the mainland.

Lewis and Harris is the largest island in Scotland and the third largest in the British Isles, after Great Britain and Ireland. It incorporates Lewis in the north and Harris in the south, both of which are frequently referred to as individual islands, although they are joined by a land border.

© KH

source:  wikipedia/hebrides

Sunday, 22 June 2014

Music on Sunday, Song lyrics quotes

Yesterday my quotes and pics blog was about song lyrics. Today the music from those quotes:

One of my favs.. When hub and I went to the Coldplay concert with my sis a few years ago, and they perfomed this song, thousands and thousands of butterflies came down from the ceiling! Even now I get chills all over just thinking about it!

This is the original song, I first got to know it from the 80's cover of Paul Young. But really, this one gets to me every time:

I just love The Beatles. There's no denying it. I must have heard them as a kid but they split when I was 3! So how would I know, right?! As a teen I had a few Beatles albums and a Mono record player. Always wondered what was wrong with those songs! :) But liked them none the less! It wasn't until a few years ago that I really started to listen to them and loving them more and more! They're good! My eldest son is playing the guitar and I conviced him to play some Beatles songs. He started to like them and finds it quite difficult to play their songs. He never knew! :)

Oh my god what have I done! Had I listened to the song beforehand I would have never used the song lyrics! Not my cup of tea! But I liked the lyrics and used it. So use your earplugs and bear with me!

Again, the song lyrics caught me. I don't mind REM mind you, not at all, but those lyrics are lovely.

© KH

Monday, 16 June 2014

Letting go and trust

In my former scribbles in Dutch I've written a lot of these sort of blogs: mindfulness ones, or blogs about self reflection or trying to change myself. But I think it's good to keep on writing about it, to keep on trying to let go, to change for the better. Time and time again. Especially if certain things keep bothering you; I find it helpful to write them down.

Last Saturday I had a row with my 19 year old son about his life really. One can say; well it's his life. But I'm his mum I worry. Mum's do don't they? They tend to worry about their children. My mum still does about me. She always says; 'Small children small worries, big children big worries' and I think she's quite right. 
Son has a new girlfriend and without getting into details about it, it was quite a discussion. 

I'm divorced from his dad for 8 years now and most of the raising I do on my own. Every bit of normal contact is non existing between his dad and me. That's a shame really and hard at times like this, when I want to teach son something a man should really do or a dad should tell. Of course a mum can as well, but sometimes you need a dad to tell you certain things. His never did. Ex and I always said we would stay friends. We did for a while but that didn't work out well in the end. I feel bad for the kids and it seems ex just doesn't care. 
I should let it all go and keep my mouth shut. It's hard though but it's his dad even though the man doesn't do a damn thing, it's his dad. To me it feels like son can do anything he likes here and over there he can't be himself and has to walk on eggshells.

Son said; 'Mum, I think I'm a humanist. I tend to see the good in people. Also with dad. I see or want to see the good things about him, because he is my dad. I don't want to know of the bad things'
Maybe he's smarter than I am. Look at the good things not the bad.
Although I do think that's a bit of fooling yourself but he has to find that out for himself. It's not for me to say. It's his life not mine. A mother's natural instict is to interfere or protect (my mum still does as well) But to be fair; I've had my time of protecting him from 'the bad world outside'. He's 19 years old; it's time to stand on your own two feet. I can't keep fighting his battles for him; he doesn't learn a damn thing of that! I know; they did for me for a long time from childhood till I got my divorce really. I left home when I was his age. I never learned to stand on my own two feet; My parents did it all for me, after them ex did. So if I keep helping son, he will never learn; and maybe that's what ex is teaching him by not doing a damn thing in my eyes. The fact that I keep helping son, must be frustrating. Damn, writing it all down is good!
Fighting about who's right and who's not doesn't help son's and mine relationship one bit either!

I was just afraid he's burying his head in the sand, but maybe he's not maybe he's got it all figured out and he's just smarted than I give him credit for. All I can do is to be here for him if need be. 

Again, I have to let go and trust it will all turn out as it should. It always will. 

© KH

Sunday, 15 June 2014

Music on Sunday: Birds

Birds in songs titles there are a lot of them. And because I love birds today birds in songs:

I do like the Seal version of that song as well by the way:

And even though I know it's not about an actual blackbird I love this song, one of my favorite Beatles' songs:

Paul McCartney wrote this about the civil rights struggle for blacks after reading about race riots in the US. He penned it in his kitchen in Scotland not long after Little Rock, when the federal courts forced the racial desegregation of the Arkansas capital's school system. McCartney told Mojo magazine October 2008: "We were totally immersed in the whole saga which was unfolding. So I got the idea of using a blackbird as a symbol for a black person. It wasn't necessarily a black 'bird', but it works that way, as much as then you called girls 'birds'; the Everlys had had Bird Dog, so the word 'bird' was around. 'Take these broken wings' was very much in my mind, but it wasn't exactly an ornithological ditty; it was purposely symbolic."

My favorite Abba Song:

one of my favs as well! I love the man! (the music)

Gorgeous music, gorgeous birds, would love to see a flock of Starlings swarm one day like in the clip:

© KH

Friday, 13 June 2014

Art on Friday: Edward Burne Jones

Sir Edward Burne Jones (Birmingham, 28 augustus 1833 – Fulham, 17 juni 1898) was a British artist and designer closely accosiated with the later phase of the Pre-Raphaelite movement.
In addition to painting and stained glass, Burne-Jones worked in a variety of crafts; including designing ceramic tiles, jewellery, tapestries, mosaics and book illustrations.

 the tree of forgiveness

 the last sleep of Arthur in Avalon

 Sleeping beauty

 The Garden Court

 The Mirror of Venus

 The Wedding of Psyche

The Golden Stairs

Stainded Glass Nativity

Kelmscott illustration. Illustration to William Morris' A Dream of John Ball. 

© KH

Sunday, 8 June 2014

Music on Sunday, Pinkpop

My kids are on their way to Pinkpop festival. A yearly rock/pop festival on White Sunday (In Dutch: Pinksteren hence the word Pink-pop) They really wanted a three day ticket because the Rolling Stones played on Saturday, but unfortunately those tickets where all sold out in half an hour ! We tried believe me! ;) But the line up for today is not so bad either, Robert Plant (Ex-Led Zeppelin), Limp Bizkit, Ed Sheeran, Editors!

Here are some of the Pinkpop's history clips, it's almost as if we're there today, without the expected thunderstorms that is! 

the kids are seeing Editors today as well! My eldest son saw them last year in Hungary at a festival and phoned me during their show to let me hear them live! :)

I love Snow Patrol:

Coldplay, Snow Patrol, Editors, my fav 3 bands, and sons share most of my taste in music :) :

Don't you just love that community singing!

I have seen the Rolling Stones ones, the last time they were in The Netherlands. :) It's a shame the kids couldn't see them yesterday, my 17 year old loves their music a lot.

© KH